Personal Reflections

Was I Really Happy?

“Was I really happy?, you didn’t have the chance to ask me, now that I see you clearer was it just smoke and mirrors?”

-Smoke and Mirrors (Demi Lovato)

 

Right now, I just want to lay my armors down. I hate myself for being hypocrite. For pretending its okay when it is not. For being weak.

At this very moment.  I want to lay  under the moonlight. I want to eat ice cream and just just live. I want to play a guitar above the hilltop. Lastly I want to scream how messed up I am inside.

It’s not the feeling of hopelessness, it’s not loneliness. It’s just that the “I” that I am is lost. Not because others told me not to, but simply because I am too afraid.

We live in this world where we all submit to conformity.

However, among the crowd when can you say that it is you?

When can you stop caring about what they say?

Without cringing

Without thinking twice

For once when can you just be selfish?

When can you not do the right thing?

When can you tell yourself it is okay?

When is the time  “YOU” will be replaced by “I”?

 

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My Storms · Poems

What kind of Smile?

If a happiest smile hides a thousand feelings, what kind of smile tells you i’m not okay?

What kind of smile would tell you I just need a hug?

What kind of smile would tell you i’m hurting inside?

What kind of smile would tell you i’m barely holding on?

What kind of smile would tell you I need a friend by my side?

What kind of smile would tell you to stay and just be there for a while?

What kind of smile would tell you to please look at me.

Me

When i’m wiping my tears as you continue to walk behind.

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Poems

Genuine Beauty

Who am I?

Am I not a reflection of what I see?

Or the things I yearn?

I ask myself what do I do?

Embrace darkness

Or chase the light?

Beyond what is seen

I know there is love

In every texture I have felt

In those words, I hear

Melodies speaks in my heart

Telling me not to worry or live in shame

For I will always remember

Genuine beauty

Is beyond what is seen.

Personal Reflections

Story of Healing : 3 Words

 

 

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love”mother-teresa.jpg
-Mother Teresa

“If i will catch a glimpse of you again i know i will cry, because it still hurts. And it still hurts because i still love you.”

2 sentences that described what i felt almost a year ago.

For months, i had written poems, essays and composed songs that described what went wrong along our little love story. Right now i’ll tell a different story the one i never thought i’d write. But here it is.

If i see you right now there are 3 words i just want to tell you.

  ” THANK YOU”. I still remember the day you comforted me after i hadn’t pass the entrance exam of my chosen university, the way you wiped my tears telling me i’ll be alright. And all those things we shared, all the laughters and triumphs. For a while you gave me stregth to face each day.flower

   Thank you for the little things you did. For the flower you brought and for extending your hand to finish my project in science.

   Thank you for being “my shoulder to cry” during those times i’m down.
All of them are memories i treasured, bottled and kept in my heart.   

    “SORRY”. The month after our break up, there is not a night i hadn’t drenched my pillow with tears. Not a night that i wondered if you miss me or if you still care. Not a day, i hated you for leaving me and for letting go. Not an hour , i blamed you for the bruises in my heart. And not a minute passed that i cursed your name, wished i never met you.

For all those things i’m sorry. I realize along the way that it wasn’t your fault. We are both prisoners of love.Blaming you is my pride telling me it was all your fault.

   I’m sorry because i had avoided you for fear of seeing you again. But now im releasing this untangled pains and hurtings in my heart. I want to set you free, free of all those thoughts of guilt. And il whisper in your ear :“choose to be happy, because il be happier for you”.07-along-with-husband-071211   “GOODBYE”. They say your favorite hello is your hardest goodbye. Indeed it is, there have been so many times in the past that i wondered if old flames can really be enkindled. I used to imagine us being together again. Seeing just one last chance before finally saying goodbye.

Clock ticks and yes the time has come. As i wave my goodbye to you i want to see your smile, knowing that our hearts are both settled in the hammock of peace. I want you to know that i never regretted knowing you for you gave me life learned lessons, made me a stronger individual and most of all strengthen my faith in God.

Goodbye to you and i wish you the best in life. Let’s say goodbye to all the aches and feelings of sadness that have trapped us for so long. Open our minds and hearts to the wonders of the universe.

Grasp the day with positivity and have a mindset that each day is a clean paper to scribble upon. Let us write history and get lost in finding our inspirations to bring us closer to ourselves.blond-sunset-field-skirt-colorado-springs-36

Mother Teresa is right,
Today i just want to fill my heart with love.  And embrace this freedom i feel within. ☺❤

Note:

My apologies for all the grammatical errors in this article. I’m striving to improve my writing throughout my blogging journey.Thank you for bearing with me.

lovelyspirit❤