Reality Check

I am sorry for the honesty I couldn’t bear.

riooooo

The sadness will last forever.

-Vincent van Gogh

Most of the times I would prefer to tell funny things or happy memories. Because I figured people love to hear about them and it is a way to tell myself hey ” stop being so stupid”.

You are so young to think of dying, who would befriend you if you cloud yourself with negativities? You are supposed to be cheerful. You’re too young, you have a lot of things to do. At that age you are depressed? Really?

As I listen to those questions it is deafening that my voice gets muffled in between.

Yes, maybe their right but no.

I have the right to feel every emotion that lingers in my body. I have the right to be not okay. I have the right to be messed up. Because that’s reality.

And when it is too late most of the times,

behind those ” I could have had…

Were the people who fail to listen and recognize what they knew from the start.

 

What kind of Smile?

If a happiest smile hides a thousand feelings, what kind of smile tells you i’m not okay?

What kind of smile would tell you I just need a hug?

What kind of smile would tell you i’m hurting inside?

What kind of smile would tell you i’m barely holding on?

What kind of smile would tell you I need a friend by my side?

What kind of smile would tell you to stay and just be there for a while?

What kind of smile would tell you to please look at me.

Me

When i’m wiping my tears as you continue to walk behind.

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Last

You are a warrior ❤

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They say I’m just sick

But they don’t really know how it feels

How fast time ticks

How all these wounds badly wanted to be healed

I smile and make people laugh

Cause I know how it feels to be sad, lost and broken

People assume they have a lot of time,

Time to make things right

But for people like me

We’re in fear of constant goodbyes

Cause we’ll never know

When will be the last

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Don’t Lie To Me

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You told me a different story

You made me feel lonely

 

You told me i wasn’t good enough

Am I not tough?

I ask

 

But there was no answer

Instead tears just rolled down my eyes

I look at you

 

You told me I was weak

And that I can never be fixed

I am as brittle as a stick

 

I stared at you for a little longer

Then I took a deep breath

Gathering the last ounce of hope thats left

 

You told me I will never suceed

And that I should give up

Because my goals are just a trap

 

At that time I kneeled

Hiding my face with both palms

Telling myself I had enough

 

You told me to stop trying

Because I will always fail

You shouted at my face

You expected me to lay still

But I got up

 

Then i saw you did the same

You are the reflection of me

But you told me lies

 

You listened to people around you

That you forgot what’s in the inside

You have forgotten about me

 

I’ve been screaming at you

With this little voice of mine

Telling you the truth

 

You’re perfect just the way that you are

You can do it

You are worthy

You are beautiful

You are loved

You are amazing

You are God’s child

 

This time listen to me

This time let’s be each others bestfriend

This time hug me tight

This time no more lies

 

Genuine Beauty

Who am I?

Am I not a reflection of what I see?

Or the things I yearn?

I ask myself what do I do?

Embrace darkness

Or chase the light?

Beyond what is seen

I know there is love

In every texture I have felt

In those words, I hear

Melodies speaks in my heart

Telling me not to worry or live in shame

For I will always remember

Genuine beauty

Is beyond what is seen.

Exhale


Where have you been in the last couple of days?

What kept you frowning always?

When did you last giggle over something stupid?

Who reminds you to slow down and appreciate a little bit?

How about take a breath then, exhale for a while just let it all go.

“Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish something big, that we fail to notice the little things that give life its magic.”

Where are you?

( I miss you Pa, when I was a kid you gave me a blue teddy just like this.)

 

When the storm comes

And the strong winds blow

I put my head under the pillow

 

My heart shrivels in fear

And my body froze

The deafening silence is all I could hear

 

Then tears drizzle down my cheeks

I remember your sweet melodies

As you lulled me to sleep

 

We were once part of each other’s piece

Papa where are you?

You’ve forgotten your bedtime story and good night’s kiss.

Book Of Dreams: The Start of Journey

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Here it is, finally, I’m taking baby steps to completing this art book.

And I’ll be posting my journey here. (Yays! I am excited.)

For a while, I felt that I’m actually pushing myself away because of school works and things that make me wake up early in the morning.

Day to day activities often dries me up. And I want to get in touch with “home”. And for me home is art. It is like a place where I could just get lost , and the same time felt found. My ultimate “reset button” it is art.

One day I was just strolling in the mall and I saw this book. Creative Awakenings: Envision The Life of Your Dreams Through Art by Sheri Gaynor.  

I am an art adventurer and for me, there should be a time for me to get to know myself. And there is no better way to do that than through art. So yes, I  decided to commit myself to this book, to explore more about me, my dreams, my wants, my dislikes, my world.

After leaving the store all I said is “Yep this is all I need”.

I bought this book from  BookSale for 160 pesos, or less than 4 dollars in US currency (quite cheap isn’t?) 

You could look that store up and if you happen to come here in the Philippines           (Iloilo City, where I am in and other cities nationwide) you can visit that place. They sell books which are cheaper but absolutely a nice find.

So, I am not paid to advertise the book, I just really want to share it with you guys because it actually makes me more creative and in love with art even more. I hope that in the course of my journey you will also pick out gems of hope and love along the way as much I do. 

So basically these are the cards that should be my guide for the next activity/activities. (They are quite beautiful)21169232_1938010523085721_754530902_o.jpg

Though, there are other ways on how you could finish the activities.                                           (As for me I shuffled the cards and let fate decide where my voyage starts.)

  1. You could do it by month ( So the book is designed for a 12-month art journey each month has a specific to-do-list.
  2. “You can travel page-by-page or cover-to-cover” according to the author.
  3. Or you can even make your circle and do it with your friends.

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MY CARD OF THE MONTH ❤

Ohh, wait before I forgot along with my voyage I need to have a Dream Book to which I will write everything, all the crafts, all my thoughts, and imaginations. This will be my buddy through out the experience. I’m still thinking of redecorating it, but for now, this is my “DREAM BOOK” <3.21170944_1938004549752985_428446289_o.jpg

I’ve already read a few pages of the book and I still need to finish a ” VISA and the MILESTONE PASSPORT” which is a prerequisite before I officially head on my travel.

Also, I started doing some activities related to my card of the month. Which I will post very soon. See you guys in the next art adventure.

Stay ARTy <3.

P.S.

I just want to say thank you for reading my posts for giving me all this love in the span of just days after making this blog.

I really appreciate you guys so much.

More power,

Rio Abby ❤

Live While You’re Young; It’s NOW. Or Never.

JUST BEAUTIFUL ❤

The Girl with Ironwings

Warning: If you’re reading this from your Reader, it might’nt work out. So please read the actual post . You don’t wanna miss this out. ❤ Thanks!!

Girl, if you don’t do it now, if you don’t live now, then when will you at all?

You’re going to be 15 for only 365 days. And you could die at 16. Who guarantees you can’t die tomorrow, for that matter?

When your mom asks if you want to sleep in her bed, say yes. One day you’ll be in a hospital bed, and there won’t be enough room to make up for right now.

Stop being annoyed at everyone and everything. Just live through it. One day, you’ll be alone with no one to nag you. It’ll be quiet as death, and you won’t be able to travel back in time.

Stop cancelling plans. Go out and use your legs…

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What did I lost?

 

Or what will i find?

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Lola(grandma) Isong thank you for being my strength

These past weeks I have been busy with exams and reports beating the deadline and hoping for a better grade.

There are times when i just feel tired and empty.

I have these “ifs” in my mind.

“If only you studied your Philippine Politics you could have answered the essays ”

“If only you were not lazy you could have finished your reports already”

“If only you studied your lessons you wouldn’t have to worry about the results of your midterm exams”

“If only you organized your schedules well you could have accomplished more task”.and the list goes on

Being 18, I want to do more with this time and oppurtunities I am given yet, I often feel discourage when I fail.

My mind repeats this cycle of failures in my head and sometimes I just want to say wait maybe I should give up, maybe this is not for me. Maybe I should just quit doing these activities because I won’t excell in it anyway.

When i’m stress, my number one stress reliever is cleaning          ( yeps starting from my room then to the rest of our house). 

As I am rummaging through piles of books I saw this small notebook which was given by my grandma. I haven’t opened it for a while. Scanning the pages I came across a poem I had written a year ago.
                  What I Lost
l. The breeze is warm under the sun

I think not of the sea

But the balls of clay I came upon

I stop for a while
ll.  I pick them up

I think not of what they maybe

Yet i throw them at the sea

Watch them vanish in each wave
lll. Then i run

I think not of my destination

Looking for something

I can’t find
lV. Then I stumble and fall

I think of this one ball of clay

Now reduced to pieces, in my hand

Gems and diamonds it contain
V.  I think of all the previous gems I lost

Trailed back to where I once stood

Sad yet hopeful

Now i will be finding my balls of clay again

 

I remember that I made this poem from the speech of a certain individual (he was the school’s superintendent) during my graduation in junior high. I could still recall that moment when I paused and reflected, then asked myself these questions:

How many balls of clay did i throw?

What are my gems and diamonds?

Are there people and things in my life that i took for granted?

Reading the poem I saw the picture of my grandma above it. And my heart twinge. Lola ( how we adress grandma in the Philippines) is so brave and strong. She sacrificed a lot  just for her sisters to go to school. Even if it means graduating in grade 6 and finding a job after. 

She would often remind us all her apos (grandchildren).

“Give importance to your family and always stand up to what is right and dont let your reputation be tinted”.

My Lola Isong is a phenomenal woman. At an early age she helped her father in the farm. She worked jobs, just to support her 4 siblings which became teachers and the youngest a midwife.

I look up to her, and to my family. Because despite the struggles that we have to go through, we remained a bundle of joy to each other.

As I close the notebook I realized that my family is my “gems and diamond

 During times of hardship I would feel hopeless and ask myself ” what did I lost”? I would blame myself for missed oppurtunities. 

When I should be asking “what will I still find?”

Lola might have lost the oppurtunity to study but she found happiness on seeing her sisters succeed in life.

As for me, I have a long way to go, perhaps there will still  be a lot of “ifs” in my journey. But I know that I have my gems and diamonds to stregthen me along the way.

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P.s. I will write a biography of my lola soon.

Thank you for reading❤