Personal Reflections



At this moment I’ve got tons of things to do. The more reason I haven’t written anything for a while.

Half of that reason is because I don’t do them at all. Ironic isn’t?

For the past days, I felt like nothing is going right. Except me watching the sunrise is really really comforting.However, feels like that cure expired already.

There is no pleasant way to say this, but I sucked at living. And I can’t confide it to anyone. They have their own to face anyway.

How can a young self like myself feels so down at this point in her life?

I don’t know

If I have a choice I wouldn’t want me be the me right now.

What is worth living?

Smiles and laughters.

When all you have is pain and hurting you can’t really see well. All you have are all those memories and yourself wishing it was all different.

Yet I think hope is when you realize you don’t live for yourself alone. You are honored and privileged to witness the greatest moments of those people around you.

You are lucky enough to witness their huge grins and their sparkly eyes when they achieved something.

I think when all “goals” fails to motivate you have to tell yourself just


And all will eventually go well.

You are blessed to be someone’s daughter, sister and friend.

I’l be reminding myself that.


Dear Self,

It’s wrong to dwell all those things that hurts you. Sorry for putting you through this. Be reminded that this is temporary.


Your older self.






To all who made my sky beautiful❤

Smile to the sunshine
And wipe your tears
Dont be sad, conquer your fears

I am with you
Surely I will
You can do it, just be still

Walk in that path
You’d always ramble about
Erase your doubts

I know time will pass
And you’d still be hurt
Once in a while in tears you’ll blurt

But don’t you worry my dear
For I am with your battles and victories
Listening to all your stories

I’ll be someone you can count on
Because even if you see not my face
I am with the crowd, extending support,just in case

I did my best to make this poem rhyme
So that I could atleast make you happy one last time
Yet a favor you must do

When I’ll be deeply asleep
Bring me three daisies
Whisper three wishes




The blurry days aren’t over

The storms and sunshines are all a mix of hue I can’t decipher

What is it worth staying for?

Maybe were destined to be that certain SOMEONE in our lifetime

Or maybe the fate that we’d been given

Is for us to shape

And it is in accepting that glory days won’t be over or it will never come.


My Storms · Poems


It isn’t easy

I know

I see you in bed

I see the dry tears in your pillow

I know you tried

I understand that you can’t

But you see you need to open the window


Yes I know you are tired

No I am not trying to explain something

Or telling you to work hard

All I want is that you stand


About Me

Louisa Clark and I : An Autobiography




I am Louisa Clark if you don’t believe me chances are, you already have watched or read Me Before You, or you know Louisa Clark is halfway across the globe,or maybe you know she doesn’t really exist. Either way, you can call me a fanatic of her character but just a little bit more.

Like Louisa I am a daisy in a bunch of roses.I am a rainbow in the midst of a storm. And a melody in between the silence. Growing up I always feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Like Louisa being asked what do you really want in your life? Only the sound of crickets could be heard as my reply. And it is disappointing, just like how Mrs. Trainor reacted after hearing nothing from Louisa.

Later on however, I realized that it’s okay to be unique. That it is okay to not figure things out instantly. That it is okay to have doubts. It is okay to have your own phase in your sojourn in life.

And most importantly I realized that it is nice to wonder for a while. After all not all who wonders are lost right? So I started to wonder on this three questions. What is it that your heart seeks? Who are the people you really care about? And how would you want your life to be years from now?

I didn’t see it coming but Louisa’s character taught me how to answer those questions. It’s the simple joy of everyday rambles that actually gives life its meaning. It’s the way I hump my back in riding the jeepney because of tiredness then I would smile because I saw a little girl with her dad.

My heart seeks the laughter of children that magically vanish weariness from their parent’s faces. My heart yearns lullabies of love when they felt alone. Because above all, doing that cures my heart. Louisa’s love for her family,to the point that she is willing to suspend her dreams for a while inspires me to keep going. She found love in the most mundane circumstance and that love transformed her into a strong individual.

At the end of the day, no matter how chaotic or harmonious I may find myself in. My heart settles for what it speaks louder. Be a pediatrician. Never give up.

I have few ideas how to get there and nothing is certain. Yet, I must be willing to accept the challenges along the way and to see them as choices not as options.

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My first name means river in Spanish.While the second one comes from the bible, as what my father said. Being a girl has its perks. Though I secretly wish I was born a boy together with my brothers. Because growing up, who would be happy being their maid? Definitely not me.

I grow up in a small town where people know each others backyard like they know their name. And being born in November where my relatives would often come home for the All Soul’s Day didn’t help. Not because I don’t like the crowd but maybe because like Louisa I appreciate the thoughts in my mind when I am not saying them. Unspoken words are sweeter. And there is just a bit mystery when you are seeing things and not be one of those being looked at.

Years from now, I will create a new meaning not only for my name but for who I am as an individual.

As I traverse different paths in my life I only want 2 things: to maintain the sunshine in my outlook in life just like Louisa did and, to thank God always, for whatever I have right now, came from Him.

I am Louisa Clark not because I look like her but because I became a whole new person after I’ve seen love in the mirrors of her actions.

I am Louisa Clark because I am clumsy yet brave.

Old fashioned but fascinating and lastly I am Louisa Clark because I believe that the power of love can change you in ways you’ve never imagined.

And that is truly worth fangirling about isn’t?


Personal Reflections



Sure is at one point in our life we wish be someone, we dream to be in another place, in another time, in another family, in another home, doing another task.

When I look at the mirror I see a different person. And all I do is hate her in the mirror. She’s a ghost because she’s staring in front of her life lifeless.

I could tell by her eyes that she is tired. From that moment on I knew she stopped and I could not even compare her to a stone or a rock or a statue because I know somehow as the earth revolves they too are in motion even if it is invisible but she, she just stopped. While whole world, the whole universe is around her.

Purpose. Worth. Perseverance. I live by those words yet I am typing somewhere in our house right now. I can’t find those anymore. I became the girl in the mirror.Lifeless yet breathing. Maybe it isn’t just today. Maybe it’s my whole life that I continue to run and run exhaust myself. Trying to find an escape. Then it will take a little while to realize I am where I am again.

And right now if I could wish just one. I would like to be words. Floating in books buzzing into a persons mind, present in conversations, in children’s fairy tale books, in ones memories. Just to be remembered to remind myself I am alive. Just to have a purpose.

Being a word, I could be invisible without stressing why others would ignore me. I mean it’s understandable right? especially if those words would be heard or seen in a bad joke? or a really corny one?


Being a word means a little freedom.

How about you what do you want if you can change something?


I hope I can continue seeing my voice in writing. As of the moment I felt  lost and caged. Thank you for taking the time to read.


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Personal Reflections

Was I Really Happy?

“Was I really happy?, you didn’t have the chance to ask me, now that I see you clearer was it just smoke and mirrors?”

-Smoke and Mirrors (Demi Lovato)


Right now, I just want to lay my armors down. I hate myself for being hypocrite. For pretending its okay when it is not. For being weak.

At this very moment.  I want to lay  under the moonlight. I want to eat ice cream and just just live. I want to play a guitar above the hilltop. Lastly I want to scream how messed up I am inside.

It’s not the feeling of hopelessness, it’s not loneliness. It’s just that the “I” that I am is lost. Not because others told me not to, but simply because I am too afraid.

We live in this world where we all submit to conformity.

However, among the crowd when can you say that it is you?

When can you stop caring about what they say?

Without cringing

Without thinking twice

For once when can you just be selfish?

When can you not do the right thing?

When can you tell yourself it is okay?

When is the time  “YOU” will be replaced by “I”?