Words

 

Sure is at one point in our life we wish be someone, we dream to be in another place, in another time, in another family, in another home, doing another task.

When I look at the mirror I see a different person. And all I do is hate her in the mirror. She’s a ghost because she’s staring in front of her life lifeless.

I could tell by her eyes that she is tired. From that moment on I knew she stopped and I could not even compare her to a stone or a rock or a statue because I know somehow as the earth revolves they too are in motion even if it is invisible but she, she just stopped. While whole world, the whole universe is around her.

Purpose. Worth. Perseverance. I live by those words yet I am typing somewhere in our house right now. I can’t find those anymore. I became the girl in the mirror.Lifeless yet breathing. Maybe it isn’t just today. Maybe it’s my whole life that I continue to run and run exhaust myself. Trying to find an escape. Then it will take a little while to realize I am where I am again.

And right now if I could wish just one. I would like to be words. Floating in books buzzing into a persons mind, present in conversations, in children’s fairy tale books, in ones memories. Just to be remembered to remind myself I am alive. Just to have a purpose.

Being a word, I could be invisible without stressing why others would ignore me. I mean it’s understandable right? especially if those words would be heard or seen in a bad joke? or a really corny one?

 

Being a word means a little freedom.

How about you what do you want if you can change something?

P.s.

I hope I can continue seeing my voice in writing. As of the moment I felt  lost and caged. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Love,

Rio Abbye3cf860e95d04aca7b1c217cfa97b1ed

 

Was I Really Happy?

“Was I really happy?, you didn’t have the chance to ask me, now that I see you clearer was it just smoke and mirrors?”

-Smoke and Mirrors (Demi Lovato)

 

Right now, I just want to lay my armors down. I hate myself for being hypocrite. For pretending its okay when it is not. For being weak.

At this very moment.  I want to lay  under the moonlight. I want to eat ice cream and just just live. I want to play a guitar above the hilltop. Lastly I want to scream how messed up I am inside.

It’s not the feeling of hopelessness, it’s not loneliness. It’s just that the “I” that I am is lost. Not because others told me not to, but simply because I am too afraid.

We live in this world where we all submit to conformity.

However, among the crowd when can you say that it is you?

When can you stop caring about what they say?

Without cringing

Without thinking twice

For once when can you just be selfish?

When can you not do the right thing?

When can you tell yourself it is okay?

When is the time  “YOU” will be replaced by “I”?

 

Fly: Soar High

I’m in love with hummingbirds and the feature photo above is my first watercolor painting.

Growing up I always believe that we humans are capable of flying as well. When I watched birds over our window I would be mesmerized by its wings and how amazing and powerful our Creator is for making those marvels in the sky.

Then after that, I would ask myself how can I fly? Well at that moment I am ambitious enough to create a small Christmas Tree out from a small shrub.

And all day I would glance at it as if it is the most beautiful thing I’d ever created. At that time I told myself, this is the start of my flight. I wanted to create something. I wanted to let my creativity dance even if my eyes could also appreciate them or see them. I will make sure that I would fly.

So far my journey has been rough, I have been to so many ups and downs. But hey, there are booked flights I haven’t still checked on my list, maybe I should be packing my bags for the next trip. How about you when will you fly?

 

Reality Check

I am sorry for the honesty I couldn’t bear.

riooooo

The sadness will last forever.

-Vincent van Gogh

Most of the times I would prefer to tell funny things or happy memories. Because I figured people love to hear about them and it is a way to tell myself hey ” stop being so stupid”.

You are so young to think of dying, who would befriend you if you cloud yourself with negativities? You are supposed to be cheerful. You’re too young, you have a lot of things to do. At that age you are depressed? Really?

As I listen to those questions it is deafening that my voice gets muffled in between.

Yes, maybe their right but no.

I have the right to feel every emotion that lingers in my body. I have the right to be not okay. I have the right to be messed up. Because that’s reality.

And when it is too late most of the times,

behind those ” I could have had…

Were the people who fail to listen and recognize what they knew from the start.

 

What kind of Smile?

If a happiest smile hides a thousand feelings, what kind of smile tells you i’m not okay?

What kind of smile would tell you I just need a hug?

What kind of smile would tell you i’m hurting inside?

What kind of smile would tell you i’m barely holding on?

What kind of smile would tell you I need a friend by my side?

What kind of smile would tell you to stay and just be there for a while?

What kind of smile would tell you to please look at me.

Me

When i’m wiping my tears as you continue to walk behind.

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Last

You are a warrior ❤

biancaslays

They say I’m just sick

But they don’t really know how it feels

How fast time ticks

How all these wounds badly wanted to be healed

I smile and make people laugh

Cause I know how it feels to be sad, lost and broken

People assume they have a lot of time,

Time to make things right

But for people like me

We’re in fear of constant goodbyes

Cause we’ll never know

When will be the last

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Don’t Lie To Me

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You told me a different story

You made me feel lonely

 

You told me i wasn’t good enough

Am I not tough?

I ask

 

But there was no answer

Instead tears just rolled down my eyes

I look at you

 

You told me I was weak

And that I can never be fixed

I am as brittle as a stick

 

I stared at you for a little longer

Then I took a deep breath

Gathering the last ounce of hope thats left

 

You told me I will never suceed

And that I should give up

Because my goals are just a trap

 

At that time I kneeled

Hiding my face with both palms

Telling myself I had enough

 

You told me to stop trying

Because I will always fail

You shouted at my face

You expected me to lay still

But I got up

 

Then i saw you did the same

You are the reflection of me

But you told me lies

 

You listened to people around you

That you forgot what’s in the inside

You have forgotten about me

 

I’ve been screaming at you

With this little voice of mine

Telling you the truth

 

You’re perfect just the way that you are

You can do it

You are worthy

You are beautiful

You are loved

You are amazing

You are God’s child

 

This time listen to me

This time let’s be each others bestfriend

This time hug me tight

This time no more lies

 

Genuine Beauty

Who am I?

Am I not a reflection of what I see?

Or the things I yearn?

I ask myself what do I do?

Embrace darkness

Or chase the light?

Beyond what is seen

I know there is love

In every texture I have felt

In those words, I hear

Melodies speaks in my heart

Telling me not to worry or live in shame

For I will always remember

Genuine beauty

Is beyond what is seen.

Exhale


Where have you been in the last couple of days?

What kept you frowning always?

When did you last giggle over something stupid?

Who reminds you to slow down and appreciate a little bit?

How about take a breath then, exhale for a while just let it all go.

“Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish something big, that we fail to notice the little things that give life its magic.”